Srila Sridhar Maharaj: Selflessness means to admit that the Lord is all-in-all. Even the existence can be effaced by His sweet will. Although we are told that the soul is eternal, His will is the absolute will, and He can efface me if He wants. The master can murder the slave. Marabi rakhabi yo ichchha Tohara: «You can keep me or You can do away with me, this is Your constitutional right. I am fully dependent. You can make or mar with my fortune — anything You like.» As much as you will be able to realise your position of helplessness, so much you will enrich yourself from the real standpoint and you will acquire a position there. Vanity will not be allowed there, but just the opposite is required: full humility. Humility has got value there because one should always think oneself to be the negative and not the positive. To have no rights, but all rights only in His sweet will is prema, love. His grace is our existence in that aspect of reality.
The sakti, the female, has got her importance in a particular way. It is not that she will go to imitate the right of the male, for that will be her failure. Similarly, the male has got his own particular way of attitude. There is the predominating and the predominated. If we want to assert our predominating self, then we must have to come in connection with maya, the illusory energy where we are purusa, enjoyer. But if we want to approach the spiritual realm, then we are not to be purusa, but we are to be of female type, dependent type, sakti. In relation to Him, we are sakti, and in relation to maya we are saktiman, purusa. In maya, we are exploiters, enjoyers, whereas there we are to be enjoyed. If we seek our relationship with the upper existence, then we are to be enjoyed, we are to be handled; subjective existence is there on that side. And here in the lower existence we have come to exploit, to assert, and therefore we are in connection with maya and are suffering from the reaction. Here, we are purusa, and there, in the relativity of the higher, we are sakti, potency. Here in the illusory world, we can assert that we are purusa, that we are enjoyers, but this is false and reactionary. So, try to develop the attitude of your potency characteristic. As much as you will be able to do that, you will have value in the higher realm. Pranipatena pariprasnena sevaya. By submission you may be allowed to enter into that domain, otherwise not. Seva, service, means that you have to be utilised by them. If you will let yourself be utilised for the interest of the higher land, the higher plane, only then will you be allowed to enter there. No exploitation for the jiva-soul is possible in that land, the country of Paramatma, and above, the land of Krishna.
Question: What about the endeavour of the mayavadis, the impersonalists, to understand the Infinite by knowledge (jnan)?
Srila Sridhar Maharaj: They cannot enter into that domain. They are showing their feats only here within this mundane world up to Satyaloka. Then, in Brahmaloka, they merge and are finished there. Their idea of so ’ham, «I am a part of the highest entity» retains them in Brahmaloka, and they can never pass upwards through there towards Vaikuntha. Whereas with the mood of daso ‘ham, «I am a servant of that highest entity», you will be allowed to enter into the higher realm. Nirmatsaranam satam. Moksabhisandhir api nirastah.
Question: What is the endeavour of the practitioner, the sadhaka, in calculative devotional service, vaidhi-bhakti?
Srila Sridhar Maharaj: He is to follow that programme which is recommended in the sastra and by the sadhu, and gradually, he will find himself to be in the proper soil. He will find that he is gaining some ground, and he will thereby receive encouragement to continue his attempt towards that upper realm. He will get some reliable taste, ruchi.
Up to ruchi, he is to undergo some sadhana, some programme as recommended by the sadhu and the sastra, and by that he will get help.
Up until just before apan-dasa, the stage of wholehearted exclusive acceptance, he is to take the trouble of sadhana. On reaching apan-dasa, self-realisation will begin, and then he himself will stand guarantee for his own activities. He will directly feel, «Oh, I am realising a novel type of ecstasy», and he won’t be taken away from that position. The main thing is that we can acquire higher things by service. Sacrifice and have: pay. Pay for it. That does not mean paying in terms of money and other things, but paying in terms of your own self: surrender and have. Give and get. As you can give, so you can get a similar thing.
ye yatha mam prapadyante tams tathaiva bhajamy aham
mama vartmanuvartante manusyah partha sarvasah
«Because there is none beyond Me, they are praying to Me for some trifling things, and I also am giving trifles in return, but it will be finished, and then again they will be in want. But this is like playing. However, for someone who is serious, who wants Me, he shall also have to pay for that. That price is his whole self, however little it may be. He is to give himself wholly, and he will get Me wholly. As he gives, so he gets. Come out with your small goods, your little capital, and you will get hugely in return.»
Question: But I am bankrupt!
Srila Sridhar Maharaj: It is a good sign. If one is bankrupt here, then he will seek some shelter. If one is really bankrupt, then he must sincerely seek a shelter.
Question: Maharaj, I would like to arrange a loan from you!
Srila Sridhar Maharaj: A loan! This is all loan. I am also in loan. We are continuing the business in loan from Gurudev. It is a business on loan. The business in the negative side is all on loan.
yare dekha, tare kaha ‘krsna’-upadesa
amara ajnaya guru hana tara’ ei desa
«Whomever you find, talk with him only about Krishna. Try to save him from the desert of mortality. I am giving you backing. I command you. Don’t be afraid; take the position of guru, the giver, and give it to everyone.» It is the order of Mahaprabhu, and He tells that He is the capitalist (Amara ajnaya). He takes the risk of the position of a capitalist.
In maya, illusion, it is difficult for us to digest the truth that, «I am small.» We don’t like to digest this, to accept this, and that is the rub. Our inner evil tendency is to capture the right of others, but we are to understand what is freedom. Here, we really are accustomed to think that we can encroach over the freedom of others in the environment. That is the disease. Alternatively, the reactionary tendency is to think, «I shall commit suicide, that is, let us enter the tomb, samadhi. If I cannot exercise my freedom on the environment outside, then rather I shall enter the tomb, the grave, but I won’t accept slavery, the serving attitude to the environment.» We are frightened to become a servant: «I want to be an exploiting unit, but not a serving unit, that I shall give my freedom to another superior hand.» It is there that we shrink away, and that is the inner defect. By freedom, we understand that we have freedom to exercise right over the environment. But why should we not accept service for the environment? Why? We think that we shall be reduced to the minimum position. But to do for others, to become a servant, is healthy for us, and there we can thrive. We can thrive by serving the environment, and especially the Lord of the whole. We think that if we render service, then we are dying. That temperament, false temperament, has grown within us, and that is a foreign element which has covered the jiva proper. It is a bitter pill to swallow.
So, what is service proper? Hegel’s philosophy is «die to live»: dissolve your ego as it is at present. Dissolve it mercilessly — die. Die means to dissolve, mercilessly. Throw yourself into the fire and you will come out with a bright self. Learn to die as you are: that mental concocted body, that concocted energy. Take the Name of the Lord and die. Bhakati-vinoda aja apane bhulila. Forget yourself as you are at present, and you will find your proper self there that does not die. Death is ordained for our existence, so give to the death that part of you that is ordained to die, and the eternal part of you will remain. But Mahaprabhu has discouraged the physical death. He told Sanatan Goswami,
sanatana, deha-tyage krsna yadi paiye
koti-deha ksaneke tabe chhadite pariye
«I am ready to die millions and crores of times in a second if that would give me Krishna, but that dying is nothing.» This physical death is tamasik, it is a very much lower bait. Not only physical death, but real death, the wholesale death, is necessary. Then also, I may only get that tatastha, borderline stage. But Mahaprabhu says, «Die or not die, go on cultivating Krishna consciousness with the company of a sadhu. Go on with the company of a devotee of Krishna. Try to accumulate that internal wealth by whatever means it is possible.»
The internal capital can be had only from the sadhu. Wherever you can get it and with whatever price you must pay, try to secure that innermost wealth. Not mere physical death or mental death has the reach to take you to that higher stage. You are to dive deep into Krishna consciousness. Wherever and whenever you find someone with such strong attachment to Krishna, you must try to secure it from him at any price, and that will be the best utilisation of your life and energy. You are to purchase the higher thing, and that is also at the sacrifice of the higher type of substance within you. You are to have innermost hankering, and the transaction will be by the surrendering of your innermost existence. The encasements — the physical encasements and mental encasements of different types — are many: Bhu, Bhuva, Sva, Maha, Jana, Tapa, Satya. There are so many varieties and types of physical and mental encasements. The many subtle encasements from gross to finer do not end only in Viraja and Brahmaloka, but even consciousness has its gross portion in Vaikuntha. But more subtle within you is that Krishna consciousness where the dedication is intense to its highest capacity, and that is dedication to the autocrat. Dedication there is to the autocrat, not to a constitutional king where there is justice, but dedication to Krishna, to that autocrat — anything can happen! The highest degree of dedication is necessary there. The gain is also similar: it is of the highest type. As much as you can risk, so much you can expect to gain. That is, Mahaprabhu gives the direction: «Don’t be a miser, but surrender yourself to the autocrat, the absolute good, and you will be the best gainer!» That is His recommendation. So, don’t be too calculative and don’t be a miser. If you find a proper place, then give yourself totally (atma-niksepa).
We have come to the proper place to offer our service, and Krishna is the highest bidder. He is the highest bidder in the auction, and He will pay most; He will pay so much that none can match His bid. He is the highest capitalist. But He is whimsical, and He is prodigal! Krishna is only known and knowable by the higher type of love and affection.
bhaktyaham ekaya grahyah
«By bhakti alone I can be approached. Not otherwise. Exclusive devotion is necessary for you to come to Me: there is no other way.»
naham vedair na tapasa na danena na chejyaya
sakya evam-vidho drastum drstavan asi yan mama
«In no way am I approachable except by exclusive devotion.»
We are not satisfied by ordinary things which are available in nature. We have come to try for our prospect of something so high, so rare, so real. Krishna tells Arjuna:
hato va prapsyasi svargam jitva va bhoksyase mahim
tasmad uttistha kaunteya yuddhaya krta-nischayah
«If killed in battle, you will attain heaven, or by gaining victory, you will enjoy the earth. Therefore, O Arjuna, being confident of success, rise for battle.» For him to give up the fight would be ruinous.
Our campaign is so adventurous! If we are successful, we have got the highest thing, but if unsuccessful, then our prospect and our whole life is gone. Gone! With this risk we have come to search for the most precious thing; we must remember this and not go back. We are to proceed with the search and enquiry, for if He is known, then everything is known. With this temptation we have come.
yasmin vijnate sarvam idam vijnatam bhavati
yasmin prapte sarvam idam praptam bhavati
tad vijijnasasva tad eva brahma
Try to have experience about the root of everything, then everything will be at your command and in your hand. Krishnanusandhan: search for Sri Krishna. What is that Brahma, that Paramatma, and all these stale things? Krishna is the very gist of them. Krishna consciousness is necessary. Everything is His. He has the monopoly. So, search after Krishna. He is such. He is an autocrat, but He is a thief and He is a cheat!
Mahaprabhu one day in Nabadwip was taking the name, «gopi, gopi, gopi». One gentleman who was from the so-called educated class of that time objected saying, «O Pandit, O Nimai Pandit, why do You take the name of ‘gopi, gopi, gopi’? That recommendation has not been found in any sastra, but we have found the Name of Krishna in some scriptures, and there it is told that some sort of good effect may be expected by chanting that. So, You may take the Name of Krishna, but why do you take the name of ‘gopi, gopi, gopi’? It is out of all the scriptures. Are You mad? What do You do wasting Your time? You are a brilliant scholar, but what is Your degradation, Your deplorable degradation?’’
Mahaprabhu was in a mood: «Who will take the Name of Krishna? He is a traitor! Just see how He has treated the gopis! With so much sincere love they approached Him, but then He was so cruel that He left them and went away leaving them crying. Who will take the Name of Krishna? You have come to canvass Me for the party of Krishna, and so I shall teach you a lesson!» And Mahaprabhu went to beat that gentleman with a stick.
That man thought Mahaprabhu to be stark mad. He thought Nimai Pandit to be finished, totally mad, and ran away. Returning to his own group, he told, «Nimai Pandit came to strike me with a bamboo stick. Now we must have to teach Him a good lesson.» Mahaprabhu said, «Don’t take the Name of Krishna, He is very cruel, a treacherer. He gives hope to His servitors, then flies away. So, don’t go that side. We shall rather worship the gopis who can give but cannot come back. They can approach to us but they do not know to come back, to retrace. We must worship them!»
The foremost gopi is Radharani. She is the highest giver, the highest dedicator. None can venture to come beside Her except Vrajendra Nandan. She is mahabhava-svarupini. Sacrifice at its zenith is there; the highest standard ever is eternally represented there. Nowhere else is there such sacrifice, self-giving, self-surrendering. It is beyond all standards ever known to the world of scriptures. Laksmi Devi has no place near Krishna, and similarly, Narayan also cannot approach towards Radharani, nor even Dvarakes, Mathures, nor even Gopes, what to speak of others.
It may seem that all the gopis were of equal rank in the Rasa Dance, and some fine jealousy arose in the mind of Radharani. After showing Her superiority in chanting and dancing, etc., She suddenly disappeared. She conquered the common gopis, and after defeating them She disappeared suddenly. Krishna suddenly found Himself vacant. All the source of His energy was coming from that one point, and the dance was taking place. But when that very vitality was taken away, He found Himself vacant. He searched after Her but could not find Her. He then stealthily left the company of all the gopis in search of Srimati Radharani. Radham adhaya hrdaye tatyaja Vraja-sundarih. Jayadev says that so many gopis are on one side, but they are outweighed by Radharani. They are all abandoned, and Krishna goes out to search for Her. This is also admitted in Mahaprabhu’s discussions with Ramananda Ray, where it is told that there is a categorical difference between the quality of the loving service of the gopis and that of Radharani.
I composed one verse that tells that at every point in Srimad Bhagavatam there is the presence of Srimati Radharani because She is the goal there.
yad amiya-mahima-sri-bhagavatyah kathayam
pratipadam anubhutam chapy alabdhabhidheya
tad akhila-rasa-murteh syama-lilavalambam
madhura-rasadhi-radha-pada-padmam prapadye
She is the conclusion to be established in Bhagavatam by so many descriptions of events, so many stories of devotion, etc. The highest aim of Bhagavatam is to establish Radha-dasyam, service to Radharani, and everything in Bhagavatam is preparatory towards that end. But still Her Name is not mentioned anywhere in Bhagavatam. Everywhere in Srimad Bhagavatam every word is used only to prove Her noblest position, but still no name is expressively given there for Her. Krishna is Akhila-rasamrta-murtih: He is the combination of all sorts of ecstasies, and the main support of that Akhila-rasamrta-murtih is Srimati Radhika. She is the only support of that lila of Syam: the sole support, the fountain of madhura-rasa (divine consorthood). I surrender myself to the holy feet of that Srimati Radharani who is the only support, the gist, the all-in-all of the whole life of Akhila-rasamrta-murtih: of He who consists in Himself of all sorts of high rasas, ecstasies. She is His only support, and I surrender myself to Her holy feet.